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Nicholas Channing

graffiti

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music doesnt match the style. also think of it as a more fluid animation.... yours goes 1,2,3...1,2,3... you dont have to move the camera, stop, and then pull the animations on. you can have the animation going while the cameras moving over. having the word "food" onscreen for more than 1-2 seconds will create a loss of interest. maybe have things connect together more, give me more visual cue or reason why youre moving the camera around, and when you paint, you might want to play with textures and opacity of paint, and dare i say.... paint drips?

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dare i say.... paint drips?

Bastard. Don't you dare.

That will only make it worse.

 

Look at your content.

 

-> August 5th

-> at Riverport

-> (ferris wheel)

-> Baseball for the Kids

-> Charity

-> Food

-> Music

-> The Base Ball

 

-> The Base Ball (A Bash Benefiting)

-> Reinventing Baseball in the Inner-City

-> giant URL

-> 5 sponsor logos

 

It is your obligation to convey this information first. I see nothing that indicates that there will be grafitti at this charity event, which leads me to believe you chose graffiti as a medium because either 1) you're trying to show that it's the "inner city" or 2) your doing it because it's a popular technique you've seen in past mograph work.

 

If you chose it to convey inner city-ness, it failed because it has absolutely zero street cred. No amount of drip-ery will help that. It's also not the point of the piece... baseball is the point.

 

We waste 90% of the piece staring at a wall. Why aren't we looking at things relevant to baseball? Why are you telling us with words instead of showing us with images? If you *had* to use graffiti to represent urban culture why not do it on a baseball diamond? Perhaps an overhead shot following the white line around the bases... having the line write out info along the way... hitting key points at each of the bases...moving at the speed of a real baseball game...etc... pull out into the logo.

 

I know what it's like working for charities. There are lots of committees and ideas, with not so much experience. It's definitely not easy work, but sadly, the concept you have right now is completely ineffective (and too far gone to fix). I say you tie a bow on it and walk away. Try to work on the story next time instead of the technique.

 

-m

Edited by the_Monkey

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1. it's borderline insulting to suggest that graffiti is an appropriate design theme for "needy" kids- it implies that "needy"= urban = black = hip hop

 

2. sorry to be so blunt about this, but you obviously don't know anything about graffiti. that means you should never, ever use it in your work. when appropriating elements of a subculture, authenticity is absolutely crucial to communication- graffiti is no exception to this rule. there is nothing that will turn an audience off more than using their culture inappropriately- it's basically the same thing as your dad trying to be cool (which always fails miserably). please don't ever use graffiti elements again unless you do your homework.

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Guest spence

Well, the graffiti is so mediocre that he could target the baseball playing suburban poser demographic. I know when I head out to the burbs I see shit like that all over the place.

 

Edit: Ok, on a more constructive note, why don't you get rid of the wall, and replace it with a kid's sketchbook or ruled paper since the graffiti already look like it's done in pencil crayon. I know thats as much a cliche as anything, but instead of being quazy offensive like sermon was saying, you can instead make it look like one of those needy kids is just doodling about this event that they're looking forward to.

Edited by spence

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Oh brother...ugh.

 

Lately I have been seeing so much Graffiti/Paint Rip/animated Pansies all over spots on our local network. Can we get back to basics of design and research. If I see another NBA/vines growing/paint drips spot, I might have to cancel my cable subsciption...

 

I wonder if this idea was actually stortboarded first? Seems like they would have seen what we saw and not wasted time putting it together.

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