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Mousel

Commercial Critique

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Hello,

 

I'm new to the boards. If anyone has :30 seconds to spare I'd like to hear some criticisms' on a commercial I recently completed. Link. It represents my current skill level, more or less. Thanks in advance.

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That's chill.

 

It reminds me of much of my earlier work. I get that the MGs help you get the feel of a chill little night club. But do they add much past a "cool factor"? Remember that you're a storyteller. What story are we to walk away with?

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You did a good job integrating the design elements into the footage. I think you chose a good pallet (bleu). I like the rack focus effect on the wine bar section. Ultimately I agree with mjoshua, though, about how the motion graphics elements feel a little superfluous. It fills a bit like they were added for portfolio purposes rather than to serve the message's needs. I think a piece like this, with a mood like Bleu's, would be better served by subtlety. If there are going to be graphic elements, like titles such as "wine bar" they should probably be incorporated in a much more subdued fashion and not seek to steal the focus from the footage.

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Nice Work! I agree with SaintEfan that the graphics need a little more purpose and should be a little more subtle. There also seems to be a difference in style between the vector and the 3D treatments. What really stands out as out of place though is the text on a path "Wine Bar" section. The rack focus IS really cool, but the type on a path and the font choice clashes with the mood of the piece.

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hello, I'm newer to the motion graphics industry and this is my first post here on these boards. I wanted to stop in and say I thought this was well done and I enjoyed your work.

 

A side question: where did you get the footage for the fireworks? Or did you particle them yourself?

 

Excellent work,

 

Michael

Edited by alias_marks

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Well-used of color combinations and particles. But if only you make it a little smoother on the animation of the strokes and maintained the similarity of the elements and did a little changes for the font. It will be greater. Cheers. ^_^

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I have a few edit thoughts:

 

I'd kill the tilt down at the beginning. Just keep it the lock off on the sign with some traffic passing. The tilt down is too much like standard news coverage.

 

I'd remove the shot with the 2 ladies clinking glasses then looking completely uncomfortable and aware of the camera. You can just feel them waiting for someone to yell cut. They also have too much of a mom vibe for a spot like that.

 

color correction. Maybe add more of an s-curve to the levels to get away from the video flat/linear look.

 

Also try pushing some blues/cyans into the blacks a touch as well.

Edited by C.Smith

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Thanks, everyone for all of the insightful input. It's already helped steer me away from some similar miscues on a current project.

 

@Nick Campbell: My font choices are atrocious. It's one of my biggest weaknesses. Definitely something I'm working on improving.

 

@alias marks: Those fireworks are actually Particular presets that have been tweaked to fit the look I was after. Thanks for the compliment!

 

@LF.w: Good call. I could have used (like all of us, I'm sure) another couple days to tighten up what I had.

 

@C.Smith: I got started as a news photographer, so funny you should mention that. Old habits die hard. As for the ladies' two-shot, it took 15 takes and that was the best one. They were last minute stand-ins. The one on the right kept looking at the camera and I had to threaten to cut off her free-booze-as-payment if she didn't stop it. I hadn't considered putting some subtle blues in the blacks. That might have assisted in the graphics integration. Nice idea.

 

@pixelronin: I think the biggest thing I came away with here was to apply better integration with more motivated graphic choices instead of, "that'll look 'cool'".

Edited by Mousel

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