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Troctogon

Need Critique on Advert

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WIP - Things i think i should touch up are change the soundtrack to something with more grunt, lighting and some more stuff needs to happen when the car explodes

 

 

but it'd be great to have some serious critique or advice,

Thanks.

Edited by Troctogon

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I think if anything, less needs to happen. I might try to cut to a close up, a detail, or something to give it some variety. I feel like the type doesn't work for this piece, and the pencils seem strange and out of place.

 

Otherwise, I like the actual explosion. Cool stuff.

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This piece seems very flat. By that I mean that there is no camera movement and the cars and other abstract objects are not integrated into the scene so it appears that there are photos stacked on each other. There's not much depth.

 

You should color correct the cars. The background is mostly pink and purple, your jeep is mostly blue and green, and your car is mostly gold and black. You cars should be more pink and purple.

 

Keep it up. I can't wait to see how this turns out.

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As you review the work you've done so far keep in mind WHY a transition like this would be happening. Does Daloz imports turn old military Jeeps into sports cars? Do they sell sports cars and Jeeps? Answering things like this as you work through projects will help clarify the purpose which will spill over into more concise visuals.

 

I think that the passing and 'time-ramp' feel of the explosion is well executed. I agree that the colorful pencils seem out of place. I think you could spend some time on the composition of the frame as well. For example, the car seems to be squeezed into the lower third of the frame while resting. The frame, in general, feels like it's broken into 3 distinct, and unrelated, focal points. There's the car in the lower third, the middle is dominated by the crazy pencils and some type, then there's the upper-left corner which has a logo competing for attention and screen time. I'm not even sure the logo needs to be revealed until the very end. If you really need it in there in the upper corner then let it resolve before the explosion obscures it. Right now the logo begins to animate in but while the viewer is trying to figure out what it says it is immediately blocked by the explosion and we miss the beginning of the Jeep breaking apart.

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First up: A Higher Class. That's the easiest thing to fix...

 

I like the sound track! One of the things I like about this piece is that it isn't about shiny, chrome crap. You've made some interesting choices here, but you still have some work to do before it all really holds together.

 

I'm not thrilled with the weird logo (the "pencils" everyone is talking about) and the background particles. Save them for something else. I think you need to simplify what you're doing and just make the explosion your focus. Nothing wrong with having a good explosion and then a logo reveal at the end. It's better to do something simple and solid than throw too many elements into something. I'd also work on your colors -- they're really nice, but they're not working yet and they become murky once the jeep explodes. The new car definitely recedes into the background and that's the opposite of what you want. One of the easiest ways to think about a spot is to come up with two or three adjectives and see if the elements in your piece fit them. Don't hold onto something just because "you like it" or "you put a lot of time into it". Hold onto things that fit the mood you want or express an idea.

 

Keep in mind that if everyone's going to see this on Vimeo or YouTube that that strip with the play button and the timeline can really get in the way. It's okay to cheat things up a bit to make sure they aren't sitting under that.

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[re]

 

 

Thanks guys that helps a lot, i might try take it into nuke for some camera moves and sort the light and colors, I'm hoping to get together a showreel which explains why there's so much going on.

I don't know how much time i want to spend on it but i'll definitely be think about things a lot more going into my next piece.

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Slab serif? No.

 

Don't forget that Jeep is a well known brand and everyone is accustomed to it. This is why it works. And you don't want to mimic Jeep.

Edited by hyp3

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If this was a Jeep add a slab serif would work great, but if I'm not mistaken the point of your piece to to demonstrate something being more elegant than a Jeep, no? If so I see how a serif font like the one you chose would be tempting, but the versatility of a sans serif could allow it to look both elegant and clean as well as contemporary. Perhaps take a look at Helvetica, Gills Sans, Trade Gothic, etc.

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If this was a Jeep add a slab serif would work great, but if I'm not mistaken the point of your piece to to demonstrate something being more elegant than a Jeep, no? If so I see how a serif font like the one you chose would be tempting, but the versatility of a sans serif could allow it to look both elegant and clean as well as contemporary. Perhaps take a look at Helvetica, Gills Sans, Trade Gothic, etc.

 

yea thats the sort of thing i was going for, maybe i change the black car to an expensive looking jeep which would make more sense, slab serif which i may try make 3d although i havn't done much 3d. since i cant bring an obj. into AE should i try do it in nuke or does anyone know an easyer way?

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yea thats the sort of thing i was going for, maybe i change the black car to an expensive looking jeep which would make more sense, slab serif which i may try make 3d although i havn't done much 3d. since i cant bring an obj. into AE should i try do it in nuke or does anyone know an easyer way?

 

I agree that an old Jeep to a newer, shinier one, may be a more appropriate transition. It would give you more of a 'story' to tell in that you'd be conveying the growth/evolution of Jeeps. If you have access to a 3d app like C4d, Blender, Maya, etc. then I'd recommend doing the text in that and comping it together in AE. This approach would give you more control over the final look of the type. I'm not sure that Nuke would be the best way to accomplish the 3d type thing, but if it's all you have then go for it, and I'd be curious to see what results you get.

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