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Staples, Easy on the Planet.

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Hey man, cool! Some nice moments in there, for sure.

I realize this is one of those projects where you have few resources for what is essentially a fairly large project, and what you ARE given is this sleepy VO and basically the worst background music in the history of sound. :D That said, let's treat it like anything else and shoot for the stars!


As general notes, the pacing is exceptionally slow and even, which amounts to a powerpoint presentation dotted with small animations. We're a good six seconds on a spinning earth, and then another six on the shopper lady, and then 11 seconds on the logo. And none of these really accomplishes much of anything in the luxurious slot of time they're each given. You're basically blowing 22 seconds of your viewers' time right off the bat. They get nothing.


So here's kind of the overall goal: when the VO talks about something, your imagery should provide additional elucidation on the subject. Your visuals are a narrator just as much as the audio narration, so you want to be commenting on the story, or adding to it, or twisting it, instead of repeating it. If the VO says that Suzy is sad, should you present an image of a sad face? No, that's been established, so it's redundant. Should you show an image of a noose, animated as if it's being hoisted up on a pulley? Maybe. I would, but I'm kind of a sick fucker.


Anyway, I mention this whole strategy not because I think you've never heard of it, but because you're spending the whole video not heeding it, and therefore not really providing much, despite all of the work you've done. There are a few little moments, like the "millions of cartridges" falling down, or the sorta inkjet print reveal of the type behind it. Those things are adding some insight. But you're spending over half of the spot just flashing the VO words on the screen, as if that did anything for anyone. The VO is boring enough as it is. Making us read random snippets of it while it's spoken is heading in the wrong direction. You have to fight that VO to keep the viewer's attention. You have to work double-time to make up for it, but instead you're taking that lump of audio boredom and slapping a nice generous portion of accompanying visual boredom right on top. And adding the occasional icon to the words doesn't really tell us a whole lot more.


All of the elements you have here are well made. They look good, and the attention to detail is nice. So the spot has an air of professionalism, and that engenders a certain type of trust in the audience. The type of trust you're NOT engendering is the one where the audience trusts what you're saying, because you're just parroting the crap some guy is drooling out the side of his mouth, and it's boring, unsubstantiated stuff. You may not be able to change the VO, but you should be all OVER bending the shit out of it visually to make it way more interesting. Y'know, like this or this or this or this or this. Every moment can be a little story. Maybe beautiful, maybe funny, or horrific, or fascinating. It may use words. It may use pictures. It might use both, but any which way it should give us insight beyond what's being said.


edit: oh man, Punga is king of this realm. Here and here

Edited by Binky

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