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hamax1

one facet of the work/life thing

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I think this might a scenario often overlooked in the work/life balance discussion that pops up from time to time.

 

Breaking up.

 

I just got dumped after I moved to LA for work about a month ago. It's a reality that I'm sure some others have felt, or at least been threatened by. It sucks.

 

My girlfriend of 5 years supported the move and lead me to believe she would eventually move down with me after I got planted. She lied, or changed her mind ... I dunno. We had some cool things planned, but now I feel like I'm going through a sort of mini-divorce.

She was a graphic designer, and understood a lot of my career moves, but she was pretty content just making wedding invitations, or designing T-shirts. Maybe I could have shared that kind of a career goal later in life. Right now, I feel like I should be taking advantage of my energy and desire to work longer hours and move around the country and try to enjoy it. When she said she liked "travel" I kinda thought that would work out haha.

I think she meant "vacations" which we all know, is not super easy to plan in a busy life, no matter your industry. I remember a specific time she was planning to go the Caymen Islands with her parents and wanted me to go. I thought it sounded cool and all but I was surprisingly not pumped up about it. In fact, I saw an opening at my job at the time to jump on a cool project and I was just totally honed in on that. I think at some point I may have expected her to share in my excitement for this new project.

I feel this way now as well. I should be really upset, but I'm still so focused. It's like an addiction. I remember quitting smoking and dreaming about cigarettes, I dream about animation in similar kind of "longing".

The story is kind of sad, but maybe explaining some of my feelings and how they relate to our careers will be therapeutic for myself or someone else I dunno.

Sorry to blow up our mograph forum with something kinda unrelated but a lot of our other social media crap is shared so I can't really talk about this stuff anywhere else. This forum has been something a little more private.

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Sorry to hear that man, sucks all around. It's good that you have a productive place to focus your energy; just don't forget to live the rest of your life.

 

 

It's never hugely helpful to hear about how much worse it could have been, but in my experience those long distance break ups can be a lot more bearable than the alternative—at least in the other aspects of your life. Letting go of someone is a lot easier when they aren't embedded in your local social life or sharing the same living space.

 

Keep yer head up! It'll get better.

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That doesn't sound nice at all. I am doing long distance yet I still couldn't imagine breaking up. Sounds like a big blow to the stomach really. Anyway, what I have to say is that it is awesome you have so much energy for work but don't forget to balance it out with everything else. My mum always did say moderation is key ;) anyway, you don't want to overdo the motion graphics then one day end up hating it because you blew yourself out.

 

That's how I like to do it anyway. I do 8-12 hour days during the week but then normally take the weekend off to enjoy doing other things ( if I don't have a freelance gig ).

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Max,

 

We've met in DC and have mutual friends here. It's great to see how far you've come in such a short time, and good for you for bringing some much needed discussion of how relationships impact our careers here.

 

Cosmo and Vozz are right - the situation sucks.

 

I know from first hand experience. I met a girl from Oklahoma in '98 right after college, while living in Pittsburgh. We got married 3 years later when we were both 25. At the time, 25 felt pretty grown up. We bought a house, got a dog, camped, took vacations, changed career paths, and then ended up moving to DC for a job she got here in 2006. She changed, or showed a dramatic change after moving here. We suddenly wanted different things. She no longer wanted a family, and told me one day. 2 weeks later she moved out. I saw her one more time for dinner almost exactly 6 years ago. That was after over 8 years together, over 5 of them as a married couple. It was pretty fucked up and it still hurts sometimes.

 

I guess my point in telling this story is that you're at a point in life where people change, and can do so dramatically. You can't understand it until you've been through it.

 

You're doing what I did - focusing on what makes us feel good. Work & art. Going through a breakup after a long relationship isn't much different than a divorce, so don't sell yourself short. It's tough.

 

But you can make it better. I'm here 6 years later listening to my 8 week old daughter wake up for a feeding right now in the next room, with my wife asleep right here with me. Do what you have to do to move on and make a life for yourself.

 

That's my advice.

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One day you'll look back and be thankful she did this to save yourself more years with her. So might as well start appreciating it now ;) Onwards and upwards.

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Oh goodness... Your location says Washington.... Tell me it isn't so!

 

Yeah, if you were to go back for the sake of maintaining the relationship there would always be an underlying resentment toward her for keeping you from what could have been. Its one thing to see someone kick themselves at age 50 for not living up to their potential & following their dreams, but its something much worse when they point the finger at their wife or kids.

 

It sucks, but you will find someone who will be more than willing to be by your side throughout all your travels. If she is happy making local wedding invitations, whatever, but I think everyone here needs a partner that at least understands ambition, if not possess it themselves.

 

Don't let the solidarity of being in a new city get to you. You now have a lease preventing you from booking it back home on a drunken whim, right?

Edited by AromaKat

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Man that sucks. Going through something similar myself (breaking up selling house, deciding who keeps the dog, just sucks, just thankful this happened before having kids).

 

This is a tough business on relationships. All I would say is it's cool to throw yourself into work when that's what you need or that's what you are up for but don't forget that balance.

 

I''ve learnt over time that saying no to things professionally to allow time for vacations snd relationdhips can strengthen rather than hurt your career.

 

I've worked with some guys that were real ronin. Top flight talent that went from city to city and did some really high end work but they definitely payed a price or were willing to accept a certain lifestyle to do that, no wives no kids. Now between that and doing local wedding invitations there are certainly lots of different options, and shades of grey, but it's worth thinking about just where that line is for you and what you are and aren 't willing yo sacrifice for career.

 

Anyhow I'm an optimist and I always think you can figure out a balance where you are both personally snd professionslly fullfilled. But I've seen a lot of people who just kind of get pulled in one direction or the other without really conscioully choosing and that's when you wake up either resenting your family or career and that' s definitely an ugly place to be. As long as you are evaluating along the way and proactively trying to maintain whatever balance you feel is right for you, I think you'll be in good shape.

 

But all the advice in the world still doen't help it feeling shitty as hell. Best of luck in LA and hope you are able to bounce back quick.

 

 

 

 

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If you are starting out. Then she was probably not meant to be. It's the time to put in the hours and work hard. I had a girlfriend after I graduated from school and my work was terrible I knew I had to put in the time to get better, many many nights and overnights. She did not love the situation but stood beside me as I sacrificied weekends and friendships. We got married and have two kids now. That was over 12 years ago. Life can be complicated and to commit to someone is not just for the trip to the Caymen. Rip the page.

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To the OP and others experiencing difficulties. Sorry to hear. Like the others, who say, there's a bright side to everything.

Therefore, being grateful for our health and work... next thing you should be saying is... Gangnam Style! :mellow:

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Sorry to hear that and I don't know how well your holding up but these hours you spend single might do your career a lot . It will give you more time to grow and develop your skills and more time on making your projects look better and even taking on more projects .

When you are in a relation , specially a serious one you start thinking about the future and you start taking less risks because you don't want to end up homeless or without a job but when you are on your own you are willing to take these risks and just follow your dreams because it seems you used to dream bigger than her and hopefully you'll achieve all of your dreams

Wish you the best

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